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42 Comments
Thank you. I just had a A.
ha moment
thank you!!!! <3
So helpful! I think for me what is coming up with being thin is that I am at my best of what I can be…what if that is not good enough? When I have weight to lose (most of my life it has only been a few kilograms over – but felt like 50 and my day was obsessed with those few kilos) then I don't have to worry about who I am because I am not there yet. What if my best is not perfect? That feels too painful to bear.
I also get a sense of anger at the way people accepted or rejected based on my weight. I am more angry when at goal weight! I find it unbearably stressful keeping myself at that certain weight. It feels perilous. I don't feel truly loved by people who only love me at that low weight. When I am big I don't feel angry I feel sad, neglected invisible. I was brought up as a neglected child and that was sad but safe. When I got attention it was usually either abusive from my father or manipulative in a sense from my mum – she was trying to make me her protector from my dad.
Wow I did not know that final bit was about to come out of my head! Have had eating disorder for years (37 years)…I just feel like the last piece of the puzzle has finally fallen into place!
Thank you Dani, I just love the kind, permissive way you approach eating. It has been a door which has enabled me to step back from fear and being overpowered. Learning to be kind and curious instead of harsh and critical to myself has been a beautiful journey…thank you 🌷
The thing I like about being 20 pounds overweight is I get to eat whatever I want whenever I want. If I’m honest. That’s is “the” thing that trips me up.
For me self-sabotage boils down to how I identify. I started putting on weight when I was 15 and I am now 40. A big part of my identity is wrapped up in being a big person. The weird thing is that I don't want to be big anymore, but the problem is I know how to be the big girl. I don't know how to be the normal weight girl. I know it sounds crazy. I used to weigh 380, and I have lost close to 140 lbs. I have been stuck the last two years because in a way I am scared to reach my goal weight. I do feel recently that I am ready to push on towards my goal weight, and your videos are really helping me a lot. Thanks you for the content that you put out!
Even when I lose weight and am looking better/healthier, I will still look at myself in the mirror (or in pictures) and all I see is someone who's fat. I then get depressed, and fall back into bad habits. And I end up going up and down with weight gain a lot.
wow zero dislikes cuz this is AWESOME advice
I love this too! Thank you Dani, for Clean & Delicious, your tips, recipes, and support are wonderful and make me feel inspired and encouraged! Peace and Cheers from California!
I am definitely, "All or nothing" kind of person and I don't like that quality about myself. I have lost 50-60 lbs. 6 times! I see myself doing it every time. It is so frustrating!
I did the same exact thing. Lost 80 lbs and gained it back. Thanks for these thoughts and I will be asking myself some of these questions!!!
Thank you so much this video applies not only to weightloss but anything new we try in our lives. I have lost and am losing weight currently having made conscious decisions about what I choose to eat. The term "mindful eating" was something I was not familiar with in the past. Sitting down and eating almost an entire pizza watching tv but never really tasting or enjoying the food was a normal part of my life. Now I take the time to think about what I want to eat and make better choices. Long story short I really got a lot out of your video. Thanks again.
I can totally relate to this. Just lost around 5 kg in 2 months just by avoiding sweets and over indulgence. Once I was happy with that I looked like and I shared it with my BF and Mom, I started gaining it back. Eating sweets even though I wasn't hungry or didn't wanted to do so. I'm now starting back again, trying to really focus on what I need.
Thanks Dani for this video, it opened my eyes on a lot of things !
So glad I found your channel!! Thank you for all your recipes!
Brilliant ! That made so much sense & I can relate to it . " ask Danni " – Psychology-eating habits
I didn't realize I was doing this -but ironically I was aware -its hearing it from some one else that puts it into perspective -like many people I had a relationship break down – & went back to my old habits -despite writing the fact -to stillbe healthy – i ended up doing the opposite:)Wow , really good and deep , thank you
When I was younger I would get a lot of unwanted attention from men much older and it was very uncomfortable the attention was at times very aggressive. One day one of my teachers said how wonderful my figure was and to make sure that I did not eat too much so I would not ruin my figure….. and I swear, I can almost remember the light bulb going off. I started eating like a mad woman, and the slimy teachers stopped approaching me, and I became invisible. I like being invisible. But I didn't like the bad side effects that the weight was having on my body. I'm on the way down now, losing a good amount of weight and the attention is coming back and I really do not like it. When I was heavier felt solid and steady and safe. it is not fair however that I should make myself sick for other people. To keep them away. when I was young I had no other way of defending myself, but I'm more than capable now to protect myself, so I can let the weight go.
et cetera please
Thank you! This hit home. I also lost 80lbs 4 years ago and have gained 30 back already! I know what I need to do but my list of excuses is long! I really needed to see this video. Thank you!!!
I'm finding it hard moving on at the moment. Had some horrific childhood/teen experience and for my own safety I hid myself away and stopped growing as an adult. Now I'm 34 still at home and suffering from social anxiety. I panic because I don't think ill be able to cope on my own-mentally. I know I'm coming to a crossroads now where I'm going to have to make some tough choices but I don't feel strong enough. Can you help?
Love this video, I would really enjoy more videos that talk about the phycology of weight gain/loss and the ramifications.
I'm not sure if what I'm experiencing right now is relevant to this topic or not but for me, I'm afraid of gaining all that weight back so I tend to beat myself down when I fail to adhere to my rules of a healthy lifestyle and exercise regime. It came to a point when it became like an eating disorder for me. I was eating but I was afraid to eat foods that were deemed unhealthy for me, and if I failed to keep up with my daily exercise routine I had this fear of gaining all the weight I lost. Although I'm slowly overcoming this problem and developing a healthier relationship with food and body image, I still worry sometimes that I would lose all the hard work if I slip up. Anyways thank you so much for sharing this with us Dani, you are always so encouraging and helpful!
Aw… you're such a cool person Dani 🙂
Beautifully spoken from the heart! Thanks for posting!
Omg this is so true I lost my goal weight one time, but its like I wanted to go back to my old weight I didn't understand why. It all makes since now. I ended up gaining the weight back on purpose just so i could feel 'safe' :/
Thank you Dani! Your last three messages have applied to me personally. After I stopped crying I knew I needed to write this post and tell you THANK YOU!! I've been physically & emotionally struggling and your messages have provided just the tidbits I've needed to continue moving forward. The first part of 2014 I went from a 24/7 mom of 4 active kids/teens, perfectionist, active in community & church, healthy, marathon runner and pretty much thought I could do it all and should do it all. Then I was hit with a virus that threw me into a new body & the world of dependence. It's now left my immune & nervous system in a mess and I've gained weight that's still piling on. Slowly over the past 5 months I've been regaining some of my energy back & trying to do more and be more involved in some of my kids activities out of the home. But with my new body & my perfectionist brain there's been a daily battle within myself. Thank you for encouraging us to replace negative internal dialog with positive and for giving us those simple, yet important questions to really discover what we are inwardly fighting and why?! For me the world of dependence was very scary! There were a lot of things I did not like & a few things I liked that I need to evaluate and understand for myself. My old on top of the world experience I mentally want to go back to, but physically can't! So I've felt trapped between a place I'm not comfortable with and a place that's no longer there. I also realize I need to face the scary reality that some day, not today, but someday. . . hopefully far down the road. . . I will have to be comfortable in that world of dependence. I'll need to ask myself a lot more questions to prepare myself for that. The virus didn't leave me outwardly mangled, so a lot of people see me as looking great & back to my old self, but inwardly I'm weak and a mess. I do worry about showing my weakness, because I am expected to be strong. . .that was the old me that everyone knew & saw. It's also hard to share & explain to them, when I don't completely understand myself! So right now I'm in the mud and trying to find my footing. Thank you for your insight & questions to help me figure out that this mud bath is detoxifying me and when I come out of it I'm going to be a new kind of beautiful and have strength I did not know I had buried underneath all that mud. Thanks Again!!
Dani, you're awesome! that's it. Thanks!
That was awesome dani! In my family we love breakfast, so I was wondering if you have an egg and meat sandwich
Love the new kitchen Dani.
This is something I am currently struggling with… I have been comfort eating a lot for a reason I couldn't understand. Then I began to put my behaviour into perspective and then I realised I started to fear what's ahead of me after graduating from Uni – nothing more to hide behind.
This video was exactly what I needed to help me start to stop and look into what's really going on. Thanks Dani 🙂
Love this Dani! Thanks for being so thoughtful with questions like this.
The people around me wanted me to be like that. When I lost it most faded away. I think some might feel alienated because it does change your life in ways you wouldn't think. Like before people who entered my life were after certain things then when I lost it after another and that attention I didn't like nor did others. For someone whos always been overweight growing up (through childhood) that's very difficult to deal with as an adult (dropping the weight). It can end relationships just due to self esteem and dealing with other issues of bettering yourself. Personally I would never want to go back to that. That stuff is additional weight gain. It gets easier over time. It was an emotional rollercoaster.
I like your videos but I have to disagree with you on this one.. Sounds to me like this person had some sort of eating disorder and an unhealthy mentality which stopped her from seeing the damage she was inflicting on her body. Weight loss isn't always a success
I remember in high school being self conscious about my weight. I did cross country for 6 months and lost weight and my fitness started improving. The only problem was that I didn't eat healthy and the reason why I was losing weight was because my nutrition during that period was ribena before and after. I was burning off the sugar and not properly nutritioned. As soon as the exercise stopped and I ate properly, I gained it all back. I find it hard to lose weight because as soon as a lose a bit and someone compliments me, I get complacent and stop. This video really opened up my eyes on why I have been struggling for so long.
Dani-I just love you!!! You speak to the heart about sensative matters. You do it in a kind, non judgemental way. These segments lately have been so touching because it's addressing deep issues that are difficult to talk about. Keep up the good work!!
I can relate to that due to suffering from BDD (body dysmorphic disorder), I am able to achieve any goal I set but then I still feel ugly fat etc. I'm in an endless series of goals but non can ever satisfy me because in my eyes I'm never good enough on any level. Obviously I know the problem, but sadly there's no cure 🙂
Hi Dani, how are u? hope you're doing fine!
Love all your videos, and i want to thank you for the amazing work u put in ur videos. I'm feeling frustrated because i struggled with my weight my whole life. i suffer from sluggish thyroid gland and i take my supplements. i'm finding hard time figuring out the healthy diet that i'm supposed to follow.
i know that i suppose to educate my self about healthy life style so what i did was watching tons of videos (literally) for different youtubers and each one of them is promoting a life style that totally different than the other. there are people who say u must be vegan and nothing else and u shouldn't have a choice and high carb diet are the way to lose weight others say not high fat and protein is the right way and high carb will make you nauseous. i'm confused and don't know what and who to believe any more.
if you have the time can u please tell me how should i decide what is the right diet?
thanks a lot
ruba
If someone were asking me for advice on this subject, I would recommend that they talk to a psychologist or someone they trust and can help them, so that they can weed out the source of the problem and deal with it appropriately. Self-sabotaging is rooted in our subconscious thoughts and so I don't believe it's an easy thing to deal with, because in order for you to stop it you have to change your way of thinking about yourself in a subconscious level.
This is great.
Another thought- maybe she gained back the weight not by self sabotage, but perhaps the running was at a level that was unsustainable for her? Over exercising does a similar thing to the body as calorie restriction- it works at first, but cannot be maintained long term. Your body eventually forces you to eat more or to exercise less as a survival instinct. For me every time I gain back lost weight it isn't to go back to a place of comfort, it's because the method I used to lose the weight was too extreme and therefore unsustainable. It feels a lot like failure, but it is actually the body fighting for survival.
I can relate to this! I had anorexia as a teen and was thinking- isn't this a form of body dysmorphic disorder? When you see your own body differently than it actually is? When I was starving myself I would see the numbers on the scale go down but I never felt I looked thin enough or I would see fat and chubby areas in the mirror or in pictures that realistically weren't there. Maybe this is what she's experiencing?Luckily I overcame my eating disorder, but still have this issue somewhat, luckily to a lesser degree.
This was a perfect explanation.
That is a good point of view, I like the approach.
Since I am working now with over 9000 people losing weight there is one more aspect I want to point out, just by experience… and that is addiction.
Some food can be literally addictive and some of the clients I have have that self sabotage thing definitely because of that. Here I think that we first of all should be aware that f.e. sugar can be addictive and that there is the effect you were talking about with Alexandra Jamieson about that cravings. If you don't know that addiction is the enemy, you can't fight it. Because you even don't think of it. And so this takes over part of your motivation and you don't know where it came from.